Note: My Policy for these posts: if somebody comments on a post, I'll post a new one. No comments, no new posts. Why bore people? But people commented on No. 6, so here's No. 7:Amuse-Bouche No. 7: "I Love You, May I Call You ?"by Julia FreyIn Survival French, you learn that (“you” singular, called the familiar) is used with intimates, and (also “you” singular) with people you don’t know well. But whether to or is a subtle and subjective game, and for an English speaker, it can be downright dangerous. For example, in French (detective stories or movies, AKA , or ), the (cops) call the (crooks) . However, you’d better say to (a uniformed policeman). When a calls a suspect , it’s meant as flagrant disrespect.Until the 17th century, and were used almost interchangeably. But gradually all upper-class people -ed each other, and , considered (vulgar), was used only for servants and peasants. During the French Revolution, symbolized (equality), and in 1793 it became for all (citizens), whatever their profession or social position. That lasted about as long as the revolutionary calendar.I used to think that if people didn’t call me they didn’t like me. “Not at all,” says Nathalie. “I was four when they wanted me to learn to , so my bossy big brother made me call him all the time, and it stuck. I still call him , although I call our older brother It doesn’t mean anything. I love them both the same”.For the average kid, things start out easy. Everybody calls kids and children in turn call most people : family members, other kids, —even animals and God. (Should you talk to yourself, you also use .) To adults you don’t know, you say . It’s also a sign of respect used with teachers, other authorities and the elderly.But complications arise. Your ( or , grade school teacher) tells you to use her first name and call her When you get to (junior high, not college), your starts calling you , and vice versa. If your parents know your teacher socially, they would call her at parties but on parents’ night. In college () it can go either way. You might call your professor in conversation and in the classroom.In your 20s, all contemporaries are , except in a client-salesperson relation, where it’s “”. Adults call neighbors unless they’re friends. Professional contexts vary widely. Married couples might even call each other at the office. Some couples from an earlier generation -- like Sartre and Beauvoir -- always use with one another.Sometimes an older (more these days than the word ) will call a younger one , reasoning: “You’re young enough to be my daughter”. But that’s problematic. The younger employee, who continues to say , may feel that a certain professional distance has been unilaterally eliminated.When do you pass from to ? Friends can’t tell me exactly how they decide. Traditionally it’s up to the older interlocutor to ask permission: “?” If reluctant, the other continues using , acts embarrassed, or even says something like “” (Hey, we didn’t raise pigs together!).Sometimes you don’t know when the transition took place, you just find yourself saying . Regionally, say more easily than . And (the social register) have murky rules: Bénédicte calls her parents , but they call her (and me) . They call each other , at least in public. Béné’s sister Roseline calls her mother and her father . (Go figure).In the movies, when a couple disappears and comes back saying it means they have become lovers. And in a major disagreement, passing from to can mark the point of no return.My advice? It’s better to over- than go too . Let your French friends decide when it’s time to get familiar—in the grammatical sense, of course.©Julia Frey 2009
