Amuse-Bouche No. 19: (red tape)by Julia Frey(julia.frey@aya.yale.edu)How do you say “Catch 22” in French?My husband and I need French (driver’s licenses). Makes me nervous. French (red tape) is notorious. Of course, bureaucracy has a bad rep everywhere. Lately Le Monde discussed the nightmare of trying to pay a fine in Russia. And we won’t even mention the U.S. Immigration Service. Besides, what am I afraid of? A recent (poll) says “ (%) ” are proud of their . The five to six million of (literally: public functioning), who represent 20 to 25% of the working population of France, are a class act. Civil servants run all government agencies, from (the post office) to the Elysée Palace, including hospitals and . Access to these jobs is exclusively by competitive exam and includes lifetime job security. The French consider this (a dream job).Still, it’s a love-hate relationship (“”). Look up in Robert’s . First definition: “” (misuse of official power). Napoléon’s improvement on the centralized administration inaugurated by Louis XIV’s finance minister, Jean-Baptiste Colbert, was to give local prefects executive power, thereby attaching the hands of petty bureaucrats to the long arm of the nation. Georges Clemenceau (1841–1929), twice prime minister, noted humorously, “France is an extremely fertile country: If you plant , what grows is taxes”. He further commented, “ are like books in a bookcase. It’s the ones on the top shelf that get the least use”. Maybe that’s why are called (literally, rounds of leather). A r is a cushion shaped like an inner tube, for people who’ve developed hemorrhoids from sitting too long.But back to our driver’s licenses. First stop, (police station), where a smiling leans toward us conspiratorially. “Don’t get a ”, she says. “Just use your foreign one. We don’t give traffic points to non-French licenses”. I’m astonished to hear an official suggest using the “” (for -- i.e. finding a clever, but unofficial way around a problem). But what if we have an accident? Answer: The insurance wouldn’t pay. So we’re off to the for licenses, bringing the required : passports, photos, current driver’s licenses, birth certificates, and (proof of address).It’s a little like the fish counter: take a number, (wait in line). Our turn finally comes. The just needs to verify Since there’s no national U.S. driver’s license, France requires a separate reciprocity agreement with each state. Only some states have them. Auguste has a New Jersey license. New Jersey .“So what should I do?” he asks.“You have to go to driving school”, she says, “then pass a driving test”.“But I passed my test in Holland when I was 18 years old”.“Why didn’t you say so? France has with ”.Auguste tossed his expired Dutch license years ago. . Just ask Dutch authorities to document you’ve had a license. At , declare license lost. At provide documentation and declaration, plus self-addressed, stamped envelope. Eventually you’ll get French license.My turn. Colorado has . (, great) ! I sail through, pocketing temporary license and providing SASE. Envelope arrives—no license. Inside, letter requesting copy of my (long-stay visa). Wait a minute! As the non-working wife of a European, legally I don't need a visa. But in , sometimes the right hand doesn’t know what the left hand is doing. The legislation is complicated, and famously devise information (by nose, i.e., by the seat of their pants), or worse, (depending on whether they like your face) Four email exchanges, five trips to the wrong offices, and no official can help me out. Everyone says something different. (Kafkaesque). Finally they insist I get a visa anyway. Want to say “Catch 22” in French? Try or s.I wait for hours outside the for a chance at one of the 49 daily appointments to apply for long-term visas. The 293 people behind me in line don’t get one. I show the all the required . “” My husband? I didn’t bring him—“”If you can’t fight city hall, make fun of it. In Paris as I write, not one but two comedies mock civil servants: one about a who wants to organize a general strike so he can go to a soccer game, the other a revival of Georges Courteline’s 1911 play .
