Amuse-Bouche No. 18: Getting the etiquetteby Julia Frey(julia.frey@aya.yale.edu)Foot-in mouth disease is rampant, even among the FrenchAt a multilingual (dinner of powerful people), the pretty daughter of American (VIPs), in Paris to learn French, provoked well-bred amusement by mixing up (I’m hot = too warm) with (I’m hot = aroused). The taught her a new expression: , which you'd think means to put your feet in the platter, i.e., your foot in your mouth, but doesn't. It means to step into the mud ( as in mud-flat), i.e. to put your foot in "it" and we all know what "it" is. The meaning is to blunder into an uncomfortable situation, and then to keep on talking, which just makes things worse.Linguistic etiquette varies dramatically from country to country. You really need (native informant). And the right . Pity the poor German au pair whose 10-year-old charge told her to refuse second helpings by saying politely, “” (I’m sick of it). (good manners) translates “to know how to live.” A gentleman is never unintentionally impolite. (which also means label) is in spades. It originally referred to labels that formalized protocol in the royal court. Chantal, who directs (training programs), teaches young (executives) the nuances of professional behavior. She regaled the table with stories of , beginning with the () committed by a New York trainee. He hopped into a Paris taxi, yelling approximately, “Follow that car!” The driver turned around and, eyeing him calmly, announced, “ (first), ‘.’ ” Never simply launch into an interaction. Getting on the bus, including in Paris, it’s customary to greet the bus driver. Even to a stranger on the street, always begin with “ (or ), .”Chantal once watched a French (intern) unintentionally betray his humble origins by beginning a presentation with the (working-class expression): “” He didn’t get the job. What you say is “.” Job candidates also miss getting hired by opening an interview with “ (or ) ” or heading a letter instead of just . Traditionally only a (shopkeeper) or (employee without management status) takes a deferential position by mentioning someone’s . If you want to become a (boss) you need to speak as equals. That’s “.”But Americans consider it rude not to call people by name—a habit that’s hard to break. To get around it, Chantal suggests “ ” On the phone, use an interrogative intonation: “”Speaking of phones, she noted that her French students have problems stating their own names. Sometimes she spends an entire day convincing them that in large corporations, giving one’s name is considered indispensable professional courtesy. Unless it’s essential to the transaction, the French think identifying oneself sounds pretentious. Or maybe they hope anonymity reduces the risk of blame.… Twenty years ago, post-office employees threatened to strike if they were forced to wear name tags!But even introducing yourself gets complicated. I can’t say “,” because, grammatically speaking, I’m not (my lady). But am I (his) ? Best to avoid the whole problem. I learned to announce, “” (literally: on the apparatus). For years the French considered the telephone exotic, practically a military secret. They still speak into (device), or , because in 1905, you cranked up a complicated .Even more peculiar was answering the phone and hearing immediately “” That cracked me up. After all, they were calling me! Now callers say, “.” If referred by someone else, they may explain, “.…” (My name won’t mean anything to you, but Mr. So-and-so recommended I call). Answering an office phone, announce “ ” At home, simply say “ ”A modern etiquette book that takes on the complexities of (also called and ), (cell phones, not laptops), and Internet still insists on . It lists expressions to avoid because they make you sound (common, uneducated). “You’re welcome,” is never (no problem). Say “” (“I beg you”—the pronoun replaces “not to mention it”). If you hear “” (I excuse myself) instead of “,” it’s because the speaker ain’t bin larned no grammer. Saying goodnight, Chantal reminds her foreign guests that it’s vulgar to say , to the pleasure (of seeing you again). is perfectly adequate.© Julia Nolet 2010
